...Then bury it in a mixture of salt, human hair, and your own fingernail clippings in the dirt of a fresh grave. Come back in 28 days, dig it up, and voila! Your stains should be gone.
Read MoreRemember that you stepped on a bee in the cider house on a tour when you were little, and also that it seemed that a whole lot of bees were getting smushed in the cider press, and then keep in mind that you will probably be inadvertently drinking bees.
Read MoreUnrealistic to say, "Only half-way there," when we passed that point. Silly to post, "I'm still young!" when the camera establishes unequivocally we no longer are.
Read MoreOooooh, I'm a ghost but you ordered pizza instead.
Read MoreGive us your cheesiest, carbiest comfort food recipes.
Read MoreIf you were a kid in the 1970s and your mother cooked at all, she had a copy of the 'Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book,' and in it are Jello salads for days.
Read MoreAh, the '70s. When kitchens were chock-full of owls and mushrooms, groovy patterns, and plenty of orange, brown, and avocado green.
Read MoreEven if you're buying the most magical, organic vegetables grown by unicorns, you're not going to spend anywhere near this much money for them.
Read MoreI hate making dinner. Even more than making dinner, I hate deciding what to make for dinner. I have no new ideas and I'm sick of people asking me what I plan on making.
Read MoreIt tastes like someone dropped a piece of chewed bubblegum into a cup of really thin maple syrup.
Read MoreI wanted to incorporate this miracle stuff everywhere. I wanted a personal fragrance based on this. I wanted my car air freshener to smell like this. I wanted this to cure disease.
Read MoreLet's put the ol' "ketchup makes everything better" theory to work and see if everyone's favorite condiment is so all-powerful that it can improve dessert.
Read MoreWhether or not you are a Spam lover, you have to be intrigued by this "summery feast for a winter's day."
Read MoreIn 1992, when Hillary Clinton made a crack about not making cookies, Family Circle magazine challenged Clinton and Barbara Bush to a recipe contest. Now, noted vegan Bill Clinton's going to need to learn to make some cookies.
Read MoreHere's a curiosity about marriage: So many of the best wedding presents would also make excellent murder weapons.
Read MoreI call out like a dutiful coach, "Go, Clean Team." Rag and dustpan in hand I wait for a signal, a call for an assist, a carry to the sidelines.
Read MoreOversized earrings made out of plastic and terrible gold paint? Check.
Read MoreBuyers, welcome to your new home! A stately Victorian fixer-upper featuring many lovely surprises!
Read More“What the f@#k,” says your husband. You are screwed. You will never sell the house. You will live here forever. You will never come out from the crawlspace.
Read MoreWhat could go wrong with s'mores covered in cookie dough?
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