There's a Totally Badass Shopping Site for Us Old Broads Called Apprécier
/We are all united in style after a certain point, and have no tolerance for back-handed compliments that end in "for your age."
Read MoreGet The Look: Margaret White in 'Carrie'
/You have to give Margaret props for how nicely she decorated that punishment closet, what with all the candles and the Jesus pictures and all. At least she made an effort there. Maybe that's why she was too busy to do a deep conditioning treatment.
Read MoreHello, I'm the Ghost of Feet Past
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I am the ghost of your stylish life, one box over from the $400 studded leather boots you got for $60 on clearance and never wore because you should've bought the extended calf size in the first place.
Read MoreGet the Look: Chris MacNeil From 'The Exorcist'
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Chris MacNeil, mother of Regan MacNeil, and a true hero because the second my kid started peeing all over my floor and making her bed shake I would have abandoned her in a dumpster.
Read MoreBeauty Tips From an Old Bag: Puffy Eye Solutions
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I knew I would get wrinkles. I knew I would get laugh lines. But everyone failed to tell me about how on occasion I would wake up looking like my eyes were surrounded by puffy death bags™ and dark circles.
Read MoreGet the Look: Baba Yaga
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This is what the woman-in-the-know knows: We endure, even when youth passes. Beauty is only fleeting if we let others tell us what is beautiful.
Read More7 Style Choices That Make You Look Older — You Old Hag, You
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Here are the things you should never wear that make you look old because you are actually older.
Read MoreGet The Look: Joyce Byers from 'Stranger Things'
/When you're a single mom of two, one of them missing, and you've got a total douche-canoe for an ex-husband, and you need to spend a lot of time hanging Christmas lights and also crawling around the Upside Down, well, you need to dress for comfort.
Read MoreEvery 1980's Concert I Need to See & Everything I Need to Wear While Doing So
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I just might wear a billion jelly bracelets and tease my bangs until they are straight up in the air, half a foot at least.
Read MoreThey've Gotten Bigger, Those Things on My Chest
/So, last week I finally stopped avoiding the issue and went to get fitted for a new bra... I'm a G. G as in gobsmacked. G as in goddamn ginormous.
Read MoreGet The Look: Minnie Castevet from 'Rosemary's Baby'
/I urge you to look beyond the obvious to the real style icon of the movie, which is Minnie Castevet played by Ruth Gordon.
Read MoreGetting Tattooed at 50 Was a Totally Different Experience Than at 25
/I got the tattoo on my lower back in 1990 — when tattooing in New York City was in the grey area of illegality and it would still be a good decade (and a half?) before that specific placement of body art was referred to as "tramp stamp."
Read MoreGet The Look: The Junk Lady From 'Labyrinth'
/As much as I loved the struggle Sarah faced when she was up against King Tightpants, another character from the movie struck me as being incredibly haunting and sad and foreboding: the 'Junk Lady.'
Read MoreLisa Frank Designed a Sweatshirt for Middle-Aged Women
/Now, Lisa Frank has done us all a favor and made a sweatshirt that's just perfect for Olds. Here it is, and I will fight you for it.
Read MoreGet The Look: Yahtzee!
/My question for you, dear reader, is this: Why not challenge your family and friends to a game of Yahtzee! and serve up some delicious and snacks and beverages and also dress to look like Yahtzee!?
Read MoreWhat My Shitty Curly Hair Taught Me Over Four Decades of Hell
/As a child I learned that my curly hair made me stand out, was basically the worst, and made me feel like a walking circus clown. While I've come to terms with it as of late, the lessons it has taught me will never be forgotten.
Read MoreIn Defense of Blue Eyeshadow and Doing Whatever the Hell You Want
/The first piece of makeup I ever owned was a compact of Cover Girl blue eye shadow. A super hot girl in my class gave it to me in the bathroom like it wasn’t even a big deal and said, “This would look great on you.”
Read MoreGet The Look: Mona 'Hatchet-Face' Malnorowski From 'Cry-Baby'
/The New York Times once described Kim McGuire as 'Hatchet-Face' a hideously contorted floozy. I don't know about you guys, but this sounds like #StyleGoals to me.
Read MoreOld Enough to Know Better: Come Take a Sip From My Fountain of Youth
/Since I do not have the access to the virgin blood my mother is clearly feasting on daily, my
anti-aging regimen needed to take a different tactic. I experimented with cheap creams and
fancy lotions and crafty homemade Vitamin C serums. But they all had one thing in common:
they take time to work.
For the Millionth Time, Every Body Is a Beach Body
/What in the hell is a 'beach body' anyway? And why does it make me antsy in my pantsies?
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