15 Reasons Getting Older Is the Very Best, According to the Twitter

by Karen Miner

Images via Pixabay; Modified by Maximum Middle Age

You know, when you're younger you're always like, "God, getting old is going to be the very worst. I will have to pay a lot of bills, and clean the cat box, and eat vegetables that taste like dirt, and fish that horribly nasty hair-muck-slime clog out of the shower drain with my bare hands, and hose down the weird blue-green poop that inexplicably shows up on the patio." And yes, you do have to do all those things as a real live adult. Also, at least once in the span of your adulthood an infant will spit up into your open mouth. That's just the way life goes. But along with all that unfun stuff, you also get a lot of perks for not being a snotty-nosed kid anymore. Among plenty of other reasons, here are some pretty exciting things to look forward to as the years go by...

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1. I personally witnessed this at my dad's retirement party and I have yearned to unlock this momentous achievement ever since. #lifegoals

As far as I can tell, the best part about being old is you can fall asleep wherever you want and everyone just goes with it.

— Debbey Chester (@grrlaction) June 15, 2016

2. The day that I can watch Dirty Dancing through virgin eyes will be the best ever.

"The best part about being old is that you watch a movie and 1 or 2 months later forget what happened and can watch it again" - my grandpa

— Samantha Lauhon (@Samantherz96) May 26, 2016

3. Ummmm, I don't actually think that's true...

The best part about being old is going to be that gross wrinkly saggy elbow skin.

— Victor LeMay (@VictoriousLeMay) May 17, 2016

4. You will never starve. Even if you stay alive on the linty, Kleenex-y, penny-flavored mint dust at the bottom of your purse, you will never starve.

The best part about working with a bunch of old ladies is that if I mention being hungry, they just reach in their purse and problem solved

— Tayler Conover (@walrus_rider) April 2, 2016

5. See, those big purses come in handy for lots of stuff. Staving off hunger, shoplifting, winning on Let's Make a Deal...

The best part about being an old lady is having a face people can trust.

It makes it easier to steal shit.

— Old People Problems (@OldFolkProblms) July 5, 2015

6. And if you ever want to almost throw up, try bending over immediately after drinking wine or coffee. #instantheartburn

The best part about being old is that the heartburn is always there to remind you not to eat anything delicious.

— Jordan P. Maze (@AmazingMrMaze) April 3, 2015

7. Not knowing who the Duggars are would be an immediate improvement to life.

The best part about being old is I gave up on celebrity culture like 800 years ago.

— Mr. theMoon (@Sheepthemoon) August 31, 2015

8. Proof that rosé and pajamas are always the answer. ALWAYS. 

Capped off turning 52 by beating 6' teen child in a vicious game of HORSE. I was wearing my nightgown and drinking rose. #itsgoodtobeold

— Dabney Grinnan (@DabneyGrinnan) May 8, 2013

9. But the "no peers" part probably isn't the best?

Grandpa always used to say "the best part about being 104 years old is that there's no peer pressure."

— Jaws Coleman (@jocoleman13) December 4, 2015

10. Is this really a thing people look forward to? "Gosh, Mildred... getting a discount on my dog's yearly licensing fee, the free fanny pack from AARP, AND hiding my own Easter eggs? Old life is the best life."

The best part about getting old is being able to hide your own Easter Eggs.

— Matthew Aussem (@M13Aussem) April 27, 2016

11. The only thing better? Not being at that party AT ALL.

The best part about being old at a party with younger people is that you can sit on the couch and everyone will leave you alone

— Jordan Stewart (@DearBurlyMan) November 1, 2015

12. I'm partial to those sexy Natualizers myself. Call me when Nike produces a stylish yet affordable orthopedic shoe.

I think the best part about being old is being able to buy whatever Nike gear you want

— Taylor (@tayz_stew) April 19, 2016

13. You know that being compared to an 11-year-old video game is no joke. That shit is ob.so.lete.

The best part about being old. Is the fact that no one really is interested. I feel like madden 05. Dusty af

— Jacob (@jacobmjohnson_) June 18, 2016

14. Even better? Blatantly staring while eavesdropping on people because you have no fucks to give.

I bet the best part of getting old is being able to awkwardly stare at people.

— Keifer (@keifer_paul) May 25, 2016

15. I would actually love to be woken up by Enya. That shit is calming. 

To my rowdy neighbours, I'll raise you Professer Green at 2am with Enya on full blast at 5am. #itsgoodtobeold

— Deborah Bishop (@debsbishop) March 16, 2012

Moral of the story? Don't knock this getting old business 'til you've tried it.