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Maximum Middle Age

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Maximum Middle Age
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Featured
8 Signs You're Officially 'Old'
Oct 6, 2016
8 Signs You're Officially 'Old'
Oct 6, 2016

3. Someone asks for your help selecting the best produce.

Oct 6, 2016
You, Too, May Be Attracted to Middle-Aged People. Science Says So!
Oct 5, 2016
You, Too, May Be Attracted to Middle-Aged People. Science Says So!
Oct 5, 2016

A scientist published an actual journal paper arguing that it's possible to find yourself attracted to middle-aged people, which was evidently a thing that needed to be said.

Oct 5, 2016
Madonna Can Wear Whatever the Hell She Wants — as Long as She's Not Appropriating a Different Culture
Sep 28, 2016
Madonna Can Wear Whatever the Hell She Wants — as Long as She's Not Appropriating a Different Culture
Sep 28, 2016

When it comes time to defend Madonna when she has been a constant victim of ageism, a lot of women are happy to look the other way. 

Sep 28, 2016
Netflix's 'Audrie & Daisy' Is Must-See Viewing for Every Parent With an Internet Connection
Sep 22, 2016
Netflix's 'Audrie & Daisy' Is Must-See Viewing for Every Parent With an Internet Connection
Sep 22, 2016

I'm glad this movie has been made to shed some light on these cases and how horrifically damaging the social media bullying and shaming against rape victims is, and it is the sort of thing those of us with older kids should make them watch and discuss.

Sep 22, 2016
7 Hot, New, Hip Clickbait Headlines for Your Old Lady Life
Sep 21, 2016
7 Hot, New, Hip Clickbait Headlines for Your Old Lady Life
Sep 21, 2016

It Happened to Me: I Made Some Stock Images of Old Ladies With Clickbait Young People Headlines

Sep 21, 2016
I Hate Your Girl-Shaming 'GIRLS' LIFE' Meme. Here's Why.
Sep 20, 2016
I Hate Your Girl-Shaming 'GIRLS' LIFE' Meme. Here's Why.
Sep 20, 2016

So, so many people are sharing this image with one hand while patting themselves on the back with the other. As you've no doubt guessed, I hate this meme.

Sep 20, 2016
Friday Open Thread: Why Do So Many of Us Almost Work Ourselves to Death?
Sep 16, 2016
Friday Open Thread: Why Do So Many of Us Almost Work Ourselves to Death?
Sep 16, 2016

Have you experienced the pressure to push through illness? To work through pain or suffering?

Sep 16, 2016
'More' Magazine Has Rebranded Itself So Now Millennial Women Can Finally Have Their Own Website!!!
Sep 15, 2016
'More' Magazine Has Rebranded Itself So Now Millennial Women Can Finally Have Their Own Website!!!
Sep 15, 2016

It's ageism, flat out, and it's a shame that yet another publication has decided that older women aren't a worthwhile audience.

Sep 15, 2016
Featured
The Quasi Pause Saga Continues: Me and My Hysteroscopy
Oct 13, 2016
The Quasi Pause Saga Continues: Me and My Hysteroscopy
Oct 13, 2016

Yes, my saga of Quasi Pause continues, but at 52 after nearly 25 years of living with HIV, I truly never thought I’d be dealing with these issues because I didn’t think I’d even be alive. 

Oct 13, 2016
Don't Meditate - Have a Cocktail Instead
Oct 5, 2016
Don't Meditate - Have a Cocktail Instead
Oct 5, 2016

We all know how important it is to relieve stress. People meditate, go for a run, contort their bodies into the wounded peacock, and go for long walks on the beach. But what if we all relaxed like our parents did instead?

Oct 5, 2016
Rage Against the Dairy Machine: Me & My Middle-Aged Dairy Allergy
Oct 3, 2016
Rage Against the Dairy Machine: Me & My Middle-Aged Dairy Allergy
Oct 3, 2016

For 55 years, I scarfed down Ben and Jerry's and nachos and bad pizza like the rest of you, until one day I realized the disconcerting truth: Milk products were making me sick.

Oct 3, 2016
When It's Not Love You Want
Sep 29, 2016
When It's Not Love You Want
Sep 29, 2016

A revelation: love my body and what it can do and feel with another person without an exacting exchange.

Sep 29, 2016
My Aging Body & My Aging Bed
Sep 27, 2016
My Aging Body & My Aging Bed
Sep 27, 2016

My aging bed — and I call it that because it was getting old and it was AGING US with it — was past time for a change.

Sep 27, 2016
When Silence Is as Deafening as Sound
Sep 26, 2016
When Silence Is as Deafening as Sound
Sep 26, 2016

Inside these flashbacks, sound is the way it is in a swimming pool: absent and deafening at once. Shouldn't a little girl who is being harmed cry and holler and bellow?

Sep 26, 2016
Featured
Husband, We Need to Talk About Your Love of The History Channel's 'Forged in Fire'
Oct 17, 2016
Husband, We Need to Talk About Your Love of The History Channel's 'Forged in Fire'
Oct 17, 2016

Darling, the host has a man bun.

Oct 17, 2016
I Will Always Be My Dog's Best Friend — Even If It Inconveniences My Relationship
Oct 11, 2016
I Will Always Be My Dog's Best Friend — Even If It Inconveniences My Relationship
Oct 11, 2016

There's no question. I'll be his friend until he's gone. And then, after, I'll have time to make a home with the human whom I also love. 

 

Oct 11, 2016
10 Mostly Gross Things I Never, Ever Thought I'd Do When I Was Childfree
Sep 29, 2016
10 Mostly Gross Things I Never, Ever Thought I'd Do When I Was Childfree
Sep 29, 2016

2. Wipe puke out of my cleavage and keep on keeping on.

Sep 29, 2016
The Bad-At Coloring Book for Badass Divorcées: Attending a Wedding
Sep 28, 2016
The Bad-At Coloring Book for Badass Divorcées: Attending a Wedding
Sep 28, 2016

In this week's installment of Badass Divorcées: How to attend a wedding without losing your shit.

Sep 28, 2016
My Kid Is Driving & If You Tell Me to 'Relax and Enjoy It,' I Will Punch You
Sep 26, 2016
My Kid Is Driving & If You Tell Me to 'Relax and Enjoy It,' I Will Punch You
Sep 26, 2016

I must confess that I haven't ridden with her THAT much, because my car does not come equipped with a passenger side steering wheel or brake. Or Xanax. 

Sep 26, 2016
Rewind: 1983 — The Subtle Shift From 'Good Girl' to 'Bad Girl'
Sep 22, 2016
Rewind: 1983 — The Subtle Shift From 'Good Girl' to 'Bad Girl'
Sep 22, 2016

Maybe that was the last time a boy looked at me as just a kid. Not as a kid with boobs. Not as a girl. Just as a kid.

Sep 22, 2016
Dear Husband, I'm Sorry I Fell Asleep During 'Captain America'
Sep 20, 2016
Dear Husband, I'm Sorry I Fell Asleep During 'Captain America'
Sep 20, 2016

I meant to ask you, was there a plot? 

Sep 20, 2016
How to Annoy Your Spouse or Partner (Without Really Trying)
Sep 15, 2016
How to Annoy Your Spouse or Partner (Without Really Trying)
Sep 15, 2016

One thing they don't tell you when you are taking your marriage vows or shacking up together or deciding to hang out for a few years while sharing a Netflix password is that the person with whom you decided to undertake this with will one day annoy the hell out of you.

Sep 15, 2016
Featured
There's a Totally Badass Shopping Site for Us Old Broads Called Apprécier
Oct 25, 2016
There's a Totally Badass Shopping Site for Us Old Broads Called Apprécier
Oct 25, 2016

We are all united in style after a certain point, and have no tolerance for back-handed compliments that end in "for your age."

Oct 25, 2016
Get The Look: Margaret White in 'Carrie'
Oct 20, 2016
Get The Look: Margaret White in 'Carrie'
Oct 20, 2016

You have to give Margaret props for how nicely she decorated that punishment closet, what with all the candles and the Jesus pictures and all. At least she made an effort there. Maybe that's why she was too busy to do a deep conditioning treatment. 

Oct 20, 2016
Hello, I'm the Ghost of Feet Past
Oct 7, 2016
Hello, I'm the Ghost of Feet Past
Oct 7, 2016

I am the ghost of your stylish life, one box over from the $400 studded leather boots you got for $60 on clearance and never wore because you should've bought the extended calf size in the first place.

Oct 7, 2016
Get the Look: Chris MacNeil From 'The Exorcist'
Oct 6, 2016
Get the Look: Chris MacNeil From 'The Exorcist'
Oct 6, 2016

Chris MacNeil, mother of Regan MacNeil, and a true hero because the second my kid started peeing all over my floor and making her bed shake I would have abandoned her in a dumpster. 

Oct 6, 2016
Beauty Tips From an Old Bag: Puffy Eye Solutions
Oct 4, 2016
Beauty Tips From an Old Bag: Puffy Eye Solutions
Oct 4, 2016

I knew I would get wrinkles. I knew I would get laugh lines. But everyone failed to tell me about how on occasion I would wake up looking like my eyes were surrounded by puffy death bags™ and dark circles.

Oct 4, 2016
Get the Look: Baba Yaga
Sep 1, 2016
Get the Look: Baba Yaga
Sep 1, 2016

This is what the woman-in-the-know knows: We endure, even when youth passes. Beauty is only fleeting if we let others tell us what is beautiful.

Sep 1, 2016
7 Style Choices That Make You Look Older — You Old Hag, You
Aug 29, 2016
7 Style Choices That Make You Look Older — You Old Hag, You
Aug 29, 2016

Here are the things you should never wear that make you look old because you are actually older. 

Aug 29, 2016
Featured
Hints From Hel(l)oise — Practical Help for Housewives From the Dark Side
Oct 13, 2016
Hints From Hel(l)oise — Practical Help for Housewives From the Dark Side
Oct 13, 2016

...Then bury it in a mixture of salt, human hair, and your own fingernail clippings in the dirt of a fresh grave. Come back in 28 days, dig it up, and voila! Your stains should be gone. 

Oct 13, 2016
Cocktails of Our Lives: The Apple Jack
Oct 11, 2016
Cocktails of Our Lives: The Apple Jack
Oct 11, 2016

Remember that you stepped on a bee in the cider house on a tour when you were little, and also that it seemed that a whole lot of bees were getting smushed in the cider press, and then keep in mind that you will probably be inadvertently drinking bees.

Oct 11, 2016
On Growing Older Online With Your Facebook Friends
Oct 10, 2016
On Growing Older Online With Your Facebook Friends
Oct 10, 2016

Unrealistic to say, "Only half-way there," when we passed that point. Silly to post, "I'm still young!" when the camera establishes unequivocally we no longer are.

Oct 10, 2016
Hello, I'm the Ghost of Your Produce Bin Past
Oct 3, 2016
Hello, I'm the Ghost of Your Produce Bin Past
Oct 3, 2016

Oooooh, I'm a ghost but you ordered pizza instead.

Oct 3, 2016
Friday Open Thread: What Comfort Food Are You Craving?
Sep 23, 2016
Friday Open Thread: What Comfort Food Are You Craving?
Sep 23, 2016

Give us your cheesiest, carbiest comfort food recipes.

Sep 23, 2016
10 Treasures From the 1970 'Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook' My Husband Bought for Me on eBay
Sep 21, 2016
10 Treasures From the 1970 'Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook' My Husband Bought for Me on eBay
Sep 21, 2016

If you were a kid in the 1970s and your mother cooked at all, she had a copy of the 'Better Homes and Gardens New Cook Book,' and in it are Jello salads for days. 

Sep 21, 2016
How to Get the Bitchin' Kitchen of Your Dreams, 1970s Style
Sep 19, 2016
How to Get the Bitchin' Kitchen of Your Dreams, 1970s Style
Sep 19, 2016

Ah, the '70s. When kitchens were chock-full of owls and mushrooms, groovy patterns, and plenty of orange, brown, and avocado green.

Sep 19, 2016
Get a Load of These $70 Roasted Vegetables
Sep 12, 2016
Get a Load of These $70 Roasted Vegetables
Sep 12, 2016

Even if you're buying the most magical, organic vegetables grown by unicorns, you're not going to spend anywhere near this much money for them.

Sep 12, 2016
Featured
'The Walking Dead' Isn't Too Gory Because, Um, It's a Horror Show Duh
Oct 25, 2016
'The Walking Dead' Isn't Too Gory Because, Um, It's a Horror Show Duh
Oct 25, 2016

'The Walking Dead' has been breaking our hearts and making us cover our eyes for the last seven years. It's why we watch horror shows! 

Oct 25, 2016
I Don't Care How Old You Are — You Are Never Too Old for the Magic of Disney World
Oct 24, 2016
I Don't Care How Old You Are — You Are Never Too Old for the Magic of Disney World
Oct 24, 2016

I can't help but think I will wanna go to Disney World or Land when I'm much older, like 70. That sounds like a pretty great birthday party for a senior, a trip to Disney World.

Oct 24, 2016
I Blew All My Money on the Playstation VR & It Is Totally Blowing My Mind
Oct 19, 2016
I Blew All My Money on the Playstation VR & It Is Totally Blowing My Mind
Oct 19, 2016

To think that we all grew up playing Pong and this is the technology we have now, well, that's super mind-blowing. 

Oct 19, 2016
Clowns: Didn't They Used to Be Funny?
Oct 10, 2016
Clowns: Didn't They Used to Be Funny?
Oct 10, 2016

Clowns are getting a bad rap. It wasn't always this way.

Oct 10, 2016
25 Years Later: 'BLOOD SUGAR SEX MAGIK' and Finding My Power
Oct 4, 2016
25 Years Later: 'BLOOD SUGAR SEX MAGIK' and Finding My Power
Oct 4, 2016

Keidis's spittle and cracked tooth were things to hide in my pre-1991 conception of bodies and appeal, and there they were, front and center, set off by metallic body paint and lipstick.

Oct 4, 2016
25 Years Later: 'NEVERMIND' and a Cheerleader From the Burbs
Sep 27, 2016
25 Years Later: 'NEVERMIND' and a Cheerleader From the Burbs
Sep 27, 2016

The video for "Smells Like Teen Spirit" made me deeply uncomfortable. There they were, on the screen, mocking everything I'd spent my entire adolescence trying to be.

Sep 27, 2016
Everything I Learned About Being a Mom I Learned From Clair Huxtable
Sep 15, 2016
Everything I Learned About Being a Mom I Learned From Clair Huxtable
Sep 15, 2016

Clair Huxtable is the TV mom that raised me best.

Sep 15, 2016
11 Moments From '80s Movies That Taught Me Invaluable Life Lessons
Sep 14, 2016
11 Moments From '80s Movies That Taught Me Invaluable Life Lessons
Sep 14, 2016

Many days I can’t remember to drop off the dry cleaning or whether I need to buy laundry detergent. Yet I have no problem conjuring up a 30-year-old memory of Judd Nelson in his large overcoat wearing Molly Ringwald's diamond earring as he walked away from a memorable day of detention. 

Sep 14, 2016
I Can't Be a Gamer Because I'm Too Old for These Newfangled Video Game Controllers
Sep 13, 2016
I Can't Be a Gamer Because I'm Too Old for These Newfangled Video Game Controllers
Sep 13, 2016

Perhaps I'm the one that needs to change? Maybe I need some sort of bionic enhancement?

Sep 13, 2016
The Amount of Abuse Judy Garland Suffered Still Haunts Me to This Day
Sep 9, 2016
The Amount of Abuse Judy Garland Suffered Still Haunts Me to This Day
Sep 9, 2016

This is 47?! No, dolls. This is a lifetime of worn-past-your-limit abuse. 

Sep 9, 2016
Featured
Nobody's Gonna Be Sleeping Instead of Creating 6-Second Vine Videos
Nov 1, 2016
Nobody's Gonna Be Sleeping Instead of Creating 6-Second Vine Videos
Nov 1, 2016

His last quote struck my last nerve: "We know, or ought to know, that time spent creating Vines... is essentially wasted time, that could and should be spent... sleeping." Ah, sleep. Yes. Old people who don't participate in crushing candy or chasing Pokemons should be sleeping. 

Nov 1, 2016
Friday Open Thread: What's the Scariest Movie You've Ever Seen?
Oct 21, 2016
Friday Open Thread: What's the Scariest Movie You've Ever Seen?
Oct 21, 2016

Let's watch all the scary movies and eat all the candy! 

Oct 21, 2016
Watch Cute Boy Bill Nighy Talk About How He Thinks He's Getting Old
Oct 18, 2016
Watch Cute Boy Bill Nighy Talk About How He Thinks He's Getting Old
Oct 18, 2016

They could make The Fifth Best Exotic Marigold Hotel with him in it and I'd watch it. 

Oct 18, 2016
Links We  Love (That You Will Too)
Oct 7, 2016
Links We Love (That You Will Too)
Oct 7, 2016

Here's what we're reading this week.

Oct 7, 2016
The Elena Ferrante Exposé: Man Feels Entitled to Woman's Identity, Defends Himself By Calling Her a Liar
Oct 3, 2016
The Elena Ferrante Exposé: Man Feels Entitled to Woman's Identity, Defends Himself By Calling Her a Liar
Oct 3, 2016

Gatti's claim that he "has acquired a right" to her very identity, with details from that identity used in a circular defense of his actions, sounds a whole lot like a rape defense.

Oct 3, 2016
Links We  Love (That You Will Too)
Sep 30, 2016
Links We Love (That You Will Too)
Sep 30, 2016

Here's what we're reading this week.

Sep 30, 2016
Friday Open Thread: You Can Start Decorating for Halloween Now — We Won't Judge
Sep 30, 2016
Friday Open Thread: You Can Start Decorating for Halloween Now — We Won't Judge
Sep 30, 2016

You can totally get your Halloween on now! Come tell us all about it.

Sep 30, 2016
Link We Love (That You Will Too)
Sep 23, 2016
Link We Love (That You Will Too)
Sep 23, 2016

Here's what we're reading this week.

Sep 23, 2016
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